Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Most Common Relationship Mistake Gay Men Make

I just finished reading an article in Revolutionary Gay Magazine about the common relationship mistakes gay men make and I couldn't disagree more. I stopped reading after it listed "Open Relationships" as a common mistake gay men make. If anything we, as gay men, make the common mistake of equivocating ourselves with our heterosexual counterparts - the most prominent of which is our sex and sexuality. While this article does make a few good points, including hastily attaching yourself to your partner and the need to respect each others boundaries, it reads and panders as a whiny attempt to heteronormatize homosexual relationships.

We often forget that we are, in fact, two men in this relationship. We are not our mothers and fathers, or grandparents whose relationship may have survived the test of time and distance. Sometimes we want to be seen just as in the norm as the rest of society that we forget that we are different - and that's okay, too. Homosexual relationships are not in the norm, so why continue trying to sell it to the rest of the world as if it were? Embrace the fact that you stick it up another man's butt and take it for what it is and, to quote Game of Thrones, "Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you." That is the whole idea behind gay pride, which a lot of us seem to have forgotten.

This is a call to action, queers. Wake up! It's time for us to define our own relationships instead of comparing it to the romantic idea of finding your one true love and committing and devoting yourself wholly to him and him alone. That is not only boring and exhausting, but also completely archaic. Stop projecting your own personal insecurities onto those around you and take a page from RuPaul by loving yourself before you start trying to love someone else. The fact that you go into a jealous frenzy after a guy gives your partner a linger look probably means you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. Check your baggage and get over yourself.


  1. While your call for revolution is justified I have to respectfully disagree. There is a certain sense of security knowing that someone wants you and no one else and that you return said same feelings for the person that you love. I never dismiss the fact that an open relationships can work for some people they do, but where I disagree is that you think they are equating homosexual relationships with heterosexual ones. The fact is love is love and relationships are relationships. I think the more we view ourselves outside the box of thinking restricts us. We are not special because of our sexuality we are special because every individual is! Our lives are consistent miracles that continually evolve! I believe we should shine and never hold that back but the fact is the more we use the excuse "because we're gay!" we lose sight of the big picture. I believe in rights for all and drawing exception because someone is different is wrong but also making yourself the exception makes your fight harder. Besides I know plenty of open relationships from straight people. Gays can't own the rights for types of relationships that have existed forever because you live your life strictly around a group of people and only see that. Polyamourism is a human condition, not solely a gay one.
    With much respect and love,

    1. Thanks for making us reach all these ground breaking numbers and thanks for sharing our mistakes!!! Woohoo! #TeamRevGay