Monday, July 22, 2013

Remember That Time I Knowingly Touched A Vagina

Here's the deal: I like vagina just about as much as the next- no, that's not true. Sorry, ladies, but I'm not actually that big a fan of that thing you've got between your legs. I knew it was a trap when first I landed into it, but I blame my youthful innocence and resolute belief that there is good in everyone. I blame my friends for daring me to do it. I'll touch your boobs - those are fun; but that? No, thanks.

The first time (yes, the first time) I relapsed into the realm of heterosexuality was when I was fifteen years old, a few months after I came out of the closet to my friends and only weeks after I had sex with a man for the first time. My friends and I were hanging out at a local gay bar in Los Angeles, California when one of them dared me to hookup with a girl just to make sure I was completely gay. I drunkenly accepted the challenge and made my way to a gorgeous brunette, two inches taller than me - five inches in her heels. Putting my game face on, I approached her with my award-winning swagger, and she ate it up - which is when I learned that drunk girls are way easier than drunk gays.

It didn't take long for her to lean in towards my advancements and respond to my lips on hers, so I did what my body told me to do and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her in, and sinking our lips deeper into each other. Moaning at my touch and melting in my arms, she allowed my hands to wander ever so slightly down toward her ass, but quickly breaking from my hold when I got a little too handsy. "Not here," she whispered and guided me across the bar towards the ladies' room.

We continued to make out in a stall, like the classy assholes we were, and I somehow managed to get her out of her panties and on my lap. I was turned on, I mean - this was a completely different experience and, I was fifteen years old so a breeze could have gotten me rock hard. She pulled a condom from her purse (what a slut!) and pulled it down on my cock, placing herself down on it, and began to rhythmically gyrate up and down my shaft. I was in complete and utter ecstasy! Who knew I'd love banging chicks, right? It didn't take long for me to get over the edge of glory, and she continued to pound herself harder and faster on my throbbing cock until we both moaned into each others kisses as wave after wave of ecstatic bliss coursed through our bodies.

Pulling the condom off and flushing it down the toilet, we cleaned up and made our way back to her friends at the bar. I planted a kiss on her cheek awkwardly, wrote down my number on a napkin, and told her I had to check up on my bros because what the fuck else was I supposed to do?! They met me with surprised looks of either disgust or reverence, but I had ongoing nightmares for the next few weeks about her older brother chasing me down to kill me for banging his little sister.

It was certainly a fun experience, completely different in incomparable to sex with a man, but it's not really my cup of tea. It was fun, something new, and a thing to tick off of my bucket list, but I told myself I would never go down that road ever again... until college.

1 comment:

  1. You do know that there are gay dudes who happen to have that anatomy... sigh :-/