Monday, June 10, 2013

Chi Chi LaRue's 2013 Messy Awards

We got into a great deal of shenanigans while in Chicago, but these were the messiest of them all!

I know I'm totally late on re-blogging this, but thought it was more than appropriate after the Tony Awards last night. The fabulous Chi Chi LaRue released her 2013 Messy Awards from the Grabbys porn awards and some of my favorite guys won such high honors that I couldn't help but share it with y'all - along with my commentary! Let's just dive straight into the mess, shall we?

Best Dressed or Undressed: Tie - Christopher Daniels and Trenton Ducati

I would definitely call this a clash of two Titans. Both Chris and Trenton have their own individual styles and look great out of them, so it's difficult to say who really would reign supreme. I wouldn't mind having either or both of them in my bed clothed or dicks flopping in the air.

Best Imitation of a Princess, Tiara and all: Matthew Rush

I first met Matthew Rush at San Diego Pride many years ago when I was still hiding his VHS porn tapes in my locker at school so my mother wouldn't find them. Upon seeing this Adonis of a man walking down the street right before my very eyes, it took all of my willpower not to jump on him. So what if he's a huge blouse, you've gotta love it!

Cute Enough to Eat: Levi Karter

Levi and I definitely bonded a lot during this entire Grabbys/IML weekend and painted the town neon wherever we went. He's more than cute enough to eat - actually, he's quite delicious! Now that we're back in New York City we're causing even more havoc but having equally as much fun. This is definitely the start of a beautiful fuckship!

Best Sweat: Ryan Rose

Ryan Rose is one of those people you love to hate. I mean, come on - how can you still have visible abdominal muscles while you're sitting down?! It puts all of us to shame and makes me want to hit the treadmill until my abs are screaming for me to stop... and then I'll keep going. I can't wait to see him when he visits in a few weeks, we'll definitely have a lot of fun together!

Most Woofy: Shawn Wolfe

I saw Shawn from across the crowded bar in Chicago and loudly barked out a WOOF! to see if he'd notice me. The music and people around us were too loud, and unfortunately due to our mismatched schedules weren't able to meet in person but you can rest assured I'll be all over him the next chance I get! ARROUUUU!

Let's not forget that I am 5'7" which makes him 5'... adorable.
Best Pocket Gay: Armond Rizzo

My roommate has this thing for short guys, which is why we get along so well, so you can only imagine his boner for the adorably sexy Armond. If I'm 5'7" that makes him a good 5' adorable! We had a fun interview while in Chicago and I definitely can't wait to meet up with him again soon! Pocket Gay doesn't even begin to describe him!

Best Ass to sit a Drink on: Damian Taylor

What makes for a good ass, you may ask? There are a lot of factors at play. Some guys like them smooth, some like it on the fuzzier side, but I think we can all agree that a great ass is one that is both firm and retains a bounce - that's where Damian comes into play, now sit on my face.

Prettiest in Leather: Topher DiMaggio

Topher DiMaggio was quite possibly one of the most distracting men at the awards show this year. I don't know if it's that cut body, that perfect smile, those cum gutters, his adorable personality, or a sexy combination of all of the above but I need him to crawl into my bed and do unimaginable things to me. Maybe he'll be in town for NYC Pride? Please and thank you!

The Gayest Straight Gay Porn Star: Tommy DeFendi

I hadn't seen Tommy since the RentBoy XXX-Mas party last December, so it's been a long time coming! Tommy won Best Cock at the 2013 Grabbys Awards this year and is now up for Best Top in the upcoming HotRods gay porn awards in London this month! I'm gonna throw this out in the universe now so that it may soon come back to fuck me in the butt: please let Tommy and I work on a film together in the not-so-distant future!

Best Brazilian Banana: Jimmy Durano

Jimmy and I never formally met but we crossed paths, smiled at each other, and took a few pictures with some of the other guys at the awards show in Chicago, but I could swear he was undressing me with his eyes and eye fucking me to completion... or maybe I'm just projecting. Either way, me likey!

Best “Body Parts”: Max Ryder

Max barely recognized me out of my Black Party gear when were dancing together at Hydrate during Grabbys week. He made up for it in our adventures through downtown Chicago and Boystown where he nearly fell out of my hotel window upon seeing a spider, rolled around the floor like a mess, and was generally, thoroughly, and maddeningly cute. Let's wreck New York City next, Max!

Best Future Gay Porn Superstar whose done Nothing yet: Tony Orion

I'm more than in love with the power throuple that is Tony Orion, Aleks Buldocek, and Paul Steele. Tony and I are gay porn newcomers and gaybies to the industry but get ready when we make our splash, because it will cause tidal waves!

Best Dancing Puppy: Draven Torres

I was more than thoroughly excited to see fellow dancing pup Draven Torres in Chicago. We had a blast at Black Party back in March and I couldn't wait to see his bright, beaming face again - and maybe get flogged by him in the corner. My roommate and I are kind of in love with him; and come on! How could you not be?

Most Likely to Hate Fuck you: Tom Wolfe

I was on the lookout for Tom all weekend but never ran into him. All I can honestly say about him and this award is: Yes, sir. Please, sir. Thank you, sir.

Most Likely to be inducted into the Wall Of Fame yet Not be: Mike “Shante” Younes
I... don't think I know Mike. Do I? Maybe?

Most Likely to Star in the Gay Porn version of “Mean Girls”: Austin Wilde

Brayden Forrester and I were casting the first season of the gay porn version of Real World and Game of Thrones when it dawned on us that Mean Girls should obviously be our top priority! Austin Wilde is definitely a clear cast member, but who else should be involved in this production, and who would they portray? If I'm not Gretchen, then I'm an Unfriendly Black Hottie.

Most Likely to Taste as sweet as a Cupcake: Christian Wilde

Christian Wilde really is way too fucking cute and sweet for words. See that seemingly innocent smile, though? Behind it is the heart of the wild and an animal waiting to ravage you until you scream for more. So, where can I sign up?

Best Underwear to make Soup out of: Jake Bass

We tried making soup out of Jake's underwear in Chicago, actually. The funny thing was that it tasted differently everyday - Thursday it was chicken noodle, Friday it was miso, Saturday it was cream of broccoli - you get the idea. This boy is always fun to have around, especially when getting lost with Max Ryder and y'all are trying to find burgers and fries.

Best Man to “DRAG” to an event: Leo Forte

There are many reasons why I love Leo, way too many to count on my fingers, let alone list on this posting so we'll save that for another day. We had a blast and a half at Black Party this year; I thought I'd be the only one rocking several different looks throughout the big weekend until I saw Leo transition between fierce outfits like a chameleon. We twerk it out, what can I say?

Most Reluctant Bear: Doug Jeffries

I met Doug when I was go-go dancing at Chi Chi's kick off party at Hydrate on the Thursday before the awards show. He grabbed my hand and led me down to the dancer's changing room and I began fantasizing that he'd take me in the back, strip me down, and pound me right then and there. That didn't quite happen since my call time was coming up and I had to get to my cage onstage, but I assure you that it will happen next we meet, husbear!

The “WHERE THE FUCK WAS HE?” Award: Landon Conrad

Seriously, where the fuck was Landon?!

Best Pup on a Stick: Eli Lewis

Rumour has it this power bottom can take quite the pounding, which is most likely why he won this year's title of "Best Pup on a Stick." A fun (but sad, so y'all should get on that) fact is that this boy has yet to be double penetrated. I can already hear a stampede of tops lining up to offer their talent.

Most Talkative and Talkative and Talkative: Mr. Pam

Words can't express how much I love Mr. Pam and I can't wait for the day when we finally get to work together! Just think about it: Mr. Pam, Eli Lewis, and Naked Sword! I'm going to go ahead and put it out there in the universe (and on my vision board) - fingers crossed and legs open!

Biggest Mess: The Backstage of The Grabbys

As much as I love to be in the fray of things, I'm kind of glad I stayed out of the backstage area of the Grabbys porn awards - it was much more fun to watch the mess from afar and silently judge and take note of things I shouldn't be doing. The after parties, however, are another ball game and I'm slowly but surely trying to bury any and all photos and videos taken of me that night.

I sincerely apologize for it taking forever for me to post this list of winners and wieners; but better late than never, right? Next up on the list of upcoming events, sexcapades, and debauchery is NYC Pride at the end of June! I'm horny with anticipation and excitment!

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