Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Mein Lieber Herr

The first time I started hooking I was surprised to find that I wasn't having all that much sex with any of my Johns. My initial thoughts were, "What is this bullshit?! Am I not fuckable, or something?!" It wasn't until I started to get to know these wonderful people with whom I came into contact that I realized that, while I did work in the sex industry and contrary to popular belief that everything is about sex, there was more to it all than immediate self-gratification. Sure, there certainly is and can be that aspect of being a RentBoy where you and your clients develop a strictly sexual relationship but sometimes you encounter someone who simply wants a connection with another individual.

One of my Johns is a recently divorced man in his late thirties or early forties who is just coming into his own identity after having been wrapped up in, what he describes as, "a lie I've been trying to convince myself was true for the past fifteen years." We meet a few times a month for drinks and conversation, usually revolving around me and my life outside of being a RentBoy, my interests, what I'd been up to since we last met up, and then sometimes the conversation leads to his life. A very busy businessman who often travels for work, never has any time for himself, let alone a romantic relationship with someone for whom he really cares, and now with the trials and tribulations of divorce his stress levels are only increasing.

The first time he called me up and asked to have drinks with me he did mention that one of the primary reasons he chose my page was because of his initial physical attraction to me but, reading my short biography, speaking with me in person, and then actually getting to know and learn about me grew to see me as a confidant and even a friend. He and I have never been physically intimate and our relationship remains very much symbiotic in that he gets a friend and shoulder on which to lean and I receive the monetary benefits of our arrangement. Do I genuinely care for this man? Not initially but I certainly have in our continued and ongoing meetings.

Queer as Folk Season 03 Episode 01

There have been a few instances when this is the kind of relationship that develops after continued meetings with certain Johns but I've also encountered arrangements in which all that is expected of me is to come in, maybe have a drink, chat for a bit, and then drop trou and have some NSA (no strings attached) fun. After all the reason I started doing this was to explore the part of me that is a huge exhibitionist and enjoys sex and appreciates sexuality for all that it is. I guess it all just came full circle when my social nature and extroverted personality collided with the part of me who is very much a people person who could connect with and understand individuals on many different levels.

Whether it be from the within the walls of a bedroom to a cafe, bar, or restaurant aren't we all just looking to connect with another human being - in or out of the bedsheets?

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