Friday, January 25, 2013

Dating a RentBoy for Dummies, Pt I

What am I wearing on this date tonight? Any suggestions?

Having recently returned to the dating world I'm finding myself caught between a a cock and a hard place. What one must take into consideration when dating are their intentions and expectations going into any relationship, whether it be casual or oriented for the long-term. In either case communication and honesty are always key. A pivotal question is also brought up at this point: when is it appropriate to inform the other person of your status as an adult entertainer and/or professional escort?

It is in my opinion to always be forthcoming about that information so as to avoid unnecessary prejudices against said industry, and there is a lot of it out there. The driving force behind this intolerance is simply misconception and, while I'm a big advocate for shedding light on sex work and the porn industry, I do not feel it is my duty to do so while trying to date someone. There's a time and place for everything and we should be trying to get to know one another instead of convince the other why their beliefs, lifestyle, occupation, etc. are wrong. I'll happily date a vegan as long as they don't try to convince me to give up meat because we all know how much I love it.

Dating is difficult regardless of one's profession, race, gender, sexuality, or lifestyle. The way I see it is if a person cannot accept me for all that I am and what I can bring to the table they clearly have no place in my life. My friends accept me for who I am as a person and remain by my side regardless of the dick I suck, clothes I wear, people with whom I associate, food I eat, or hair style I attempt to pull off. As long as my choices in life do no harm to myself or those around me, what does it matter to you if I choose a path different from yours? You don't see me telling people off for wearing UGG boots or crocs.

That being said I have gone on dates with people who were, at first, unaware that I am a RentBoy and porn performer and, upon being informed, were intolerant of and chose to discontinue our relationship due to their own preconceived notions of what I have and continue to do and that's okay. We all have our boundaries and limitations and I'd much rather you walk away now with that knowledge rather than discover it later on and be upset that I had not told you sooner. Conversely, I've met those who are accepting of and curious about the life of a RentBoy.

There's a lot to be said about the dating world as it pertains to those of us who exhibit our sexuality so freely but if there's one thing y'all should take away from this first of many insights it is that (as overused and cliche as it may be) it's not the the outside presentation that counts but the individual inside. It really is our similarities, not our differences, that connect us all so bear that in mind the next time you encounter the unknown.


  1. I think as long as you're doing what you're doing, you can't expect anyone to be wholeheartedly dedicated to you, when you don't respect yourself enough to stop and focus monogamously on them as a significant other. Guy or girl, rule would be commonly applied.

    1. Hey Vince,
      You've said alot in 3 lines...
      By your logic, teachers cannot be whole-heartedly dedicated parents.
      You've deflected your own lack of respect for sex workers onto us and you've made the assumption that anyone who would go out with a sex worker is as judgmental and possessive as you are.
      Clearly you don't understand that what we do is a job, it has no bearing on my personal, monogamous relationship.

  2. I always enjoy reading what you have to say Eli and this is no different. Smart, honest and to the point, you have an amazing way of saying what you think.

  3. I find it curious, simply because I have never had any what I would call "close, personal friends" who have been models or sex workers or both. Now I have to say I would not feel it was my place to judge as that would be their professional life, but I would have questions and would want to know and understand things better as long as the friend is comfortable with talking about it to me.

    1. That's really what it's all about: asking questions and getting answers. I favor open dialogue about topics that are new, scary, confusing, etc. to people. It's simply a pursuit of knowledge, not the glorification of intolerance.